Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Not Easy to Like and Feeling Helpless...but Looking to Hope.

I know it's been awhile since I wrote a post.  And to my surprise I have had a few people ask if I had any updates about Lia.  Well...I do.

This last year has been one of the hardest for me in a while.  I'm not exactly sure why?

I think I've just felt overwhelmed with so many things going on that I finally just broke down and I'm still trying to recover.

However with all of life's curve balls and stresses that we all feel, still, our number one worry is our dear Lia.

While we struggle with therapy sessions with Jared once a week and the worry of him not catching up completely, his disposition is such that he's easy to like, he is happy and loving and overall a great little boy.

While this may sound harsh and cruel, Lia's disposition is such that she's much harder to like on a daily basis.  She whines and cries a lot, she fights and throws amazing tantrums and she can just be plain mean.  And that becomes draining after 5 years.  Leaving me feeling helpless and tired.

After working with psychologists, therapists, teachers and now a psychiatrist, we finally have an idea of what we are dealing with.  Lia was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, sensory motor disorder and she is gifted.  Thus creating a rather difficult combination for all in involved.  She shows signs of autism, but doesn't qualify for their help.  She struggles with school in many ways, yet she is so smart that there is no program to help her.

Once again, I feel helpless.  Helpless as her mother.  
As she has no idea how much we truly love her and want to fight for her.

We hear things like, "I won't follow your rules." "I don't need you." "I hate you." "I want a new family." "You don't care about me." on a daily basis from Lia.  There is so much lying and disregard to our family rules that we can't trust anything she says.

Her teacher is struggling with her as well.  We have had meetings and email constantly.

We have also found that Lia is allergic to red and yellow dyes in food.  Any and all kinds of yummy candy, chips, frosting and even vitamins push her over the edge.  I call it the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde reaction.  I know right away when she has come into contact with these dyes.

Overall, most days we just survive day to day.  We have tools and we have tried oils.  The only thing we haven't tried really, are meds.  While I'm in no way opposed to medication (I feel they can be very beneficial) it's still hard for me to accept that my almost 6 year old may need medication to function well throughout her life.

In the end, if you see that I'm more reserved, or I stay in my house a little more...just know that I'm tired.  I'm stressed and what we are dealing with isn't just a phase, like so many have lovingly tried to tell me.  Lia's little brain was given some real big challenges that she is working on dealing with. While we as her parents have been given the difficult opportunity to grow from all of this; we are making slow progress and feel that many days we are failing.  It has taken its toll on our family.

Lots of love,
A hopeful but tired mama