Sunday, February 17, 2013

Adoption Blues



As I sit here typing, I am holding my son while he sleeps.  

It is amazing how one can sit and watch a sleeping baby for long periods of time and be completely mesmerized by their sweet face, his perfect small lips, his hair that sticks straight up, his cute little nose, and those amazing, tiny ears. 



When I had both, Hannah and Eva through IVF, and after the actual process of IVF, everything about my pregnancies was normal.  I was sick for the first few months, I started to show a baby bump and then I was able to feel my sweet babies move and grow inside me.  It was amazing and wonderful.  I was able to bond with both Hannah and Eva, before they kept me up all night.  I would talk and sing to them.  I would tell them about me and their dad.  I would imagine which parts of me and which parts of Flavio would they have. I could caress and stroke my belly, comforting them and loving them.

However, with adoption, you don't get those experiences.  And now that we have been blessed to adopt two precious souls, I can honestly say, missing out on those experiences, going through the tireless act of caring for and worrying about a new baby, has caused me to have PAD or Post Adoption Depression...again.  (http://www.babyzone.com/mom/postpartum-depression/post-adoption-depression_68621)

The first time round, when we adopted Lia, I wasn't aware that PAD was happening.  I was sad, overwhelmed and had a hard time bonding with her.  Not bonding only added to the guilt, which added to the sadness.  

Luckily, this time, understanding that PAD is a possibility, I have been able to cope some what better.  I have been able to bond easily with my little son.  And while the stresses of having a newborn and all the issues that are associated with adoption have still been overwhelming at times, I have tried to not dwell so much on the negative aspects that come with adoption and focus more on the simple amazing blessing, Jared is.  This hasn't made everything easy...but it has helped.

For many of you who are adopting or have adopted, I feel it is important to have this conversation.  It is a real part of the process for many and in the end can make the entire adoption process very difficult.  If we don't talk about it, many of us will suffer without help.  This is not healthy for you or your new bundle of joy.

The human heart is complex.  How you feel is neither wrong or right.  Get help if you need it.

Lots of love,
Niki






3 comments:

  1. Thank you for speaking up. I would imagine that most adoptive parents experience this to some degree, and I'm guessing most of them feel alone and guilty about their feelings. Or like they are somehow ungrateful for the new baby by having any less-than-ecstatic thoughts. But just knowing that it's normal and everybody goes through it is, I'm sure, a huge help. :)

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  2. Go, Niki! I'm glad to hear that your second time around is a little easier since you can recognize the symptoms. I feel for you as I suffered some PPD with my second-born and it is the worst! I pray that you have more happy moments than sad moments. This post was a while ago, I know, so you are probably feeling better. Thanks for putting your feelings out there!

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  3. Thanks, Robyn :) It was very helpful to know :) And I am doing so much better. :) Hooray! Your family is adorable! I hope you are doing great. I always thought you were an amazing person :)

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