Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Throwing Away Candy

So lately I have been off the wagon when it comes to staying healthy.  Adopting a new baby, getting little to no sleep and hurting my foot have all played a part in this annoying little spat.  However, I got to thinking today that I have a bigger problem.  Sure all of those things contribute to my overall lack of energy and actual ability to exercise and daily desire to eat for comfort.  But they are not the entire problem.

So what is the real issue here?

The answer I came up with was... 

...throw away the candy.



Now literally this is a great idea.  I have become a candy junky over the last few weeks and I am starting to pay for it.  So throwing away any candy I have in the house will help solve part of the issue, but it's just band aide to cover the real problem.

I thought about this and I realized that the candy also was a metaphor to the junk I have been storing in my subconscience.  And what I mean by that is, I have to come to accept the attitude of, I will do it later, who cares, I can't change who I am, or it's too hard.

Now, lately every time I look in the mirror I haven't liked what I see.  That is to say, I am not happy with my body.  Now, I have recently come to accept that I have certain physical conditions that will not let me do ALL that I would like to do to get in shape.  Running and the elliptical are out for me.  But there are plenty of great ways to exercise that don't include running.  So I am throwing out my "exercising excuse candy" TODAY!

I am also throwing out all of the negative thoughts about myself that I have let linger. My comparing myself to all the cute, skinny women out there who by the way have worked SUPER hard to attain said body.  I am clearing out the candy shelf that makes me feel fat, ugly and depressed and I am going to start adding fruits and vegetable thoughts, such as, I am kind, loving, a good mom and wife.

So let's throw out our candy.  Get rid of all those things that make us feel bad about ourselves.  And when those thoughts and candies creep back into our subconsciences, don't be afraid to clean it out again.


One of my heros is, Hellen Keller.  Her drive to overcome ALL that she faced is so inspiring.  Here is one of my favorite quotes from this amazing woman:


“Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.” 

So, lets be of good cheer.  No one can make us happy but ourself.  No one is in charge of what we do, but ourself.  Let's find out what kind of candy is keeping us from reaching our goals and throw it all in the trash today.

Lots of love,
Niki

 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

The little things

I realize that the last few posts have been a little on the negative side. 

 So lets switch gears for a minute.

Bringing home a brand new baby is hard work, exhausting and some times just plain overwhelming...

 ...however, when you bring home a baby you also get moments like these:




I am one blessed mommy.

I love my children more than I can express.

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” 



Lots of love,
Niki


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Gifted Little Liar

With the addition of a new little one, you can imagine that my three girls have reacted in their own way to Jared's arrival.  While I know they all love him and think he is cute, some crazy developments have surfaced as well.  Hannah is old enough that she has been nothing but awesome, but Eva's terrible twos have seemed to come on full force with full-on tantrums and disobedience, and Lia has turned to lies.

When we bring home a new baby, we always buy the child just older than the baby a new doll.  This way that child can have a baby of their own to care for and to copy mom and dad with.  It has been a big success, mostly...

...but now we move to our Lia...who has lied since she was two...but is now a challenging daily habit.  I am not talking about making up stories of fairies and make-believe friends, we are talking lying about making her bed, cleaning her room, washing her hands, hitting Hannah, the list goes on and on....

Let's just say, I am at a loss.  I am tired and I am out of ideas.  If you have any helpful words they will be most welcome.

While occasional lying is normal for most children, gifted kids present a different challenge. Their ability to reason ahead of their ability to control impulses can often result in a situation ripe with the temptation to lie. The child sees what they want, they know they are not supposed to have it, and devise a plan to get it. Most of the time, they are caught. When they are not, they store that experience away for future reference.
Reprimands are also a challenge. Gifted kids have the ability to rationalize very readily. Take away the stuff in their room, and they will simply convince themselves they really didn’t want those things anyway. Pretty soon, they have nothing left in their room, and they’re still unfazed. Stealing represents an extension of this same behavior. I want it, so I take it. No one will miss it. The reasons for taking the items is rationalized in an instant. (http://www.leosoderman.com/2009/12/05/behavior-in-gifted-kids-%E2%80%93-lying-and-stealing/)

Help.
Lots of love,
Niki

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Adoption Blues



As I sit here typing, I am holding my son while he sleeps.  

It is amazing how one can sit and watch a sleeping baby for long periods of time and be completely mesmerized by their sweet face, his perfect small lips, his hair that sticks straight up, his cute little nose, and those amazing, tiny ears. 



When I had both, Hannah and Eva through IVF, and after the actual process of IVF, everything about my pregnancies was normal.  I was sick for the first few months, I started to show a baby bump and then I was able to feel my sweet babies move and grow inside me.  It was amazing and wonderful.  I was able to bond with both Hannah and Eva, before they kept me up all night.  I would talk and sing to them.  I would tell them about me and their dad.  I would imagine which parts of me and which parts of Flavio would they have. I could caress and stroke my belly, comforting them and loving them.

However, with adoption, you don't get those experiences.  And now that we have been blessed to adopt two precious souls, I can honestly say, missing out on those experiences, going through the tireless act of caring for and worrying about a new baby, has caused me to have PAD or Post Adoption Depression...again.  (http://www.babyzone.com/mom/postpartum-depression/post-adoption-depression_68621)

The first time round, when we adopted Lia, I wasn't aware that PAD was happening.  I was sad, overwhelmed and had a hard time bonding with her.  Not bonding only added to the guilt, which added to the sadness.  

Luckily, this time, understanding that PAD is a possibility, I have been able to cope some what better.  I have been able to bond easily with my little son.  And while the stresses of having a newborn and all the issues that are associated with adoption have still been overwhelming at times, I have tried to not dwell so much on the negative aspects that come with adoption and focus more on the simple amazing blessing, Jared is.  This hasn't made everything easy...but it has helped.

For many of you who are adopting or have adopted, I feel it is important to have this conversation.  It is a real part of the process for many and in the end can make the entire adoption process very difficult.  If we don't talk about it, many of us will suffer without help.  This is not healthy for you or your new bundle of joy.

The human heart is complex.  How you feel is neither wrong or right.  Get help if you need it.

Lots of love,
Niki






Thursday, February 7, 2013

No Easy Answer

Today was Jared's first time meeting with our family doctor.  We love our doctor.  He has been with us from the very moment we found out we would not be able to have kids on our own.  He delivered both, Hannah and Eva and has seen us through two adoptions :)

Jared is doing very well, he surpassed his birth weight and is now exactly 7 pounds and he grew a whole half an inch!  I was so happy to know that he is growing and he is overall very healthy.

The rest of this post is for me to let out some feelings that explain why he is not perfectly healthy.

The first few days with Jared were great, he was such a calm baby.  He slept a ton and was pretty much just observant to all the world around him when he was awake.  But after three days, his mood started to change a bit.  His sleeping habits changed and he became more and more fussy.  While this is common for many babies, it was different with him.

When I went to the doctor today, I explained my concerns for his change.  The doctor went through all the paper work we had brought back from the hospital.  He looked up at me with a serious face and told me, he is going through nicotine withdrawals.  Tears streamed down my cheeks at this answer.

My poor baby.

My doctor reassured me that it will pass and he will be just fine.  It broke my heart all the same.

There is no easy answer as to why I couldn't be the birth-mom of this precious little soul.  I would have never polluted my body the way his birth-mother did.  And while I know she loves him, it is still very hard to watch your baby suffer because of the choice of someone else.

I know God has a plan.  And His plan is perfect for my Jared.  I hope to one day understand what that plan is and learn from it.

Lots of love,
Niki



Sunday, February 3, 2013

One Week Old and Miracles do Happen.

This past week has been a crazy one...  

In fact, since January 17th, we were matched with a birth-mom, accepted the match, talked with her on the phone twice, two hours after our second call, our birth-mom's water broke, we had a late night frantic packing party and an even crazier time booking flights.
Flavio and I both ended up in Washington the following day, however we had to take different flights and were four hours apart.  We were able to spend a little over a day with Jared, his birth-mom, and his birth-grandma.  We were then given full custody of Jared the following day.  And now after spending almost an entire week with our son, I will be the first one to say, God does have a plan and miracles do happen.

I can't believe our little son will be one week old tomorrow.  

His existence has brought so many love, joy and courage.

We can't wait to bring him home.  

Thank you all for your love and your prayers. 




Lots of love,
Niki