Thursday, January 31, 2013

Questions of finality.

I am not sure I will be able to fully express to you the experience we had this past Tuesday when we were able to adopt our son, Jared.  But I want to try.  For any of you who have been in the room when a birth-mother lovingly signs the papers that ultimately says she is giving her child to you, you will understand what I am feeling, but for those of who haven't, I hope you will be able to feel a part of the love and joy I felt that day and the fear and confusion I felt the two days before.

When I finally met Jared's birth-mother and little Jared, I was so nervous.  It is such a delicate circumstance of knowing what to say or what to do.  You don't want to run in there declaring your right as a mother, in fact, I just stood back and watched most of the time.  We talked a lot and got to know each other.  I held Jared as much as they would let me, but ultimately, I wasn't his mother yet.  So when the nurse came in to do some tests I wasn't the one to comfort Jared, the Grandma did.  I wish I could have picked him up to sooth him, to kiss him, to love him, but it wasn't my choice.

I was a bystander for almost two days.

But in those two days I grew to love Jared's birth-mother and her mother.  I saw the pain in their eyes.  I saw how much they love this little baby and how letting go was going to rip their hearts out.

So as Jared's birth-mother signed those papers, I sat back, holding Jared and cried.  She was asked so many difficult questions of finality.  Letting her know that she could never change her mind and what placing Jared really meant for her.  She answered each question so surely and looked at me with love and assurance.  All I could mouth was, "thank you.".

I just sat and cried some more, holding this baby boy, who I could finally call my own.

Her sacrifice and selfless love will be something that I will treasure for the rest of forever.

For any birth-mother out there, who has ever placed their baby,  you are my hero.  You are braver than the world will ever give you credit for.  And I hope that one day you will find the happiness you brought to those with whom you placed your baby.

Adoption has changed my life.  I am grateful to both of our birth-mothers.  Their love has completed our eternal family and their example has made me a better person.

lots of love,


  1. I'm so happy for you guys! He is beautiful and you and Flavio deserve such a blessing as this!
    Much love from the Clarks :)

    1. Thank you. We are so happy to have him :)

  2. I am crying for her loss. Crying for your gain. May God bless her.

  3. Wow...thank you for sharing. These birth mothers really do deserve the term, "Hero",

    1. Thank you. They are truly amazing women.

  4. Wow, I can't even imagine how that would feel. Both the birth parents AND the adoptive parents are so brave and courageous. I'm so happy for you guys. :)