I came across an article today that for me, was very personal. It talked about how many of us, who suffer from infertility, feel alone. And this is true. It is like people will avoid you, or will avoid talking to you about what you are going through, it is as if the word, "infertility", is taboo. While getting into someone's business is truly not the idea, but if you know someone in your family or if you have a good friend who you know is going through infertility being there for them is as important for being there if their child died.
Yes, both are a very painful loss.
Losing a child at any stage is still a loss.
When you lose a child, you cry, you get angry, you go numb, you grieve, you feel empty...I know because I have been there.
And while losing a child after they have been born to you is truly one of life's greatest trials...
Many lose this child through miscarriage.
Many lose this child through an adoption gone awry.
Many lose this child the moment the doctor tells them conception is not possible.
Many lose this child with a negative IVF pregnancy test.
Many lose hope that this child will never be theirs.
Being infertile is a lonely road. You don't have the hoards of people coming and caring for you as if you lose your child after it is born; you don't have people calling or sending dinners. It is if you have the plague. People avoid you. Or they just don't know. It is hard to talk about and tell people. No one knows the pain you are suffering, because no one seems to ask. I know the feeling of good friends and family staying clear of me during the hardest times of my life. I was in the blackest of holes when we lost our first, second and third baby during IVF. No one called, no one knew. When we lost our first and second babies in adoption and aside from a few select amazing friends, again, we were for the most part left alone in our grief. I know the isolation that comes from going through infertility.
I hope you will be the one to reach out to these couples who need you. Please, if they are open to help, help them. Even if you don't know what to say, just being there for them will make all the difference.
Lots of love,
This is the article I read: