Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Some times you just need a hug...and then snap out of it.

So tonight, I was on bed-time duty, alone, as the husband is out of town for a couple of days.  Bedtime is something we usually do together, so when he is gone, everything feels little off.  Tonight was no exception.  Our little Lia has been a little edgy (more so than normal) so it shouldn't have surprised me when after we had read our books and everything seemed to be fine, she flipped.  She started crying and started to hyperventilate without warning.  My heart started to beat a little faster as you would think that she is hurt or something of that nature.  But no, it was something much more minor than that. (Minor to me at least)

This was kind of the end of my rope today, as she has been on a tantrum and lying streak these past couple of days.

Let's just say we both acted like three-year-olds and then I sent her to bed.  (don't worry I went in and gave her a hug, after I had calmed myself down).

And that is where I get my title.  Sometimes you just need a hug...and right now I don't have anyone to hug.  So I cried, I cried for being a mean mom and for losing it over something so seemingly small.  I cried because I am tired of not knowing how to handle my sweet little gifted baby, who also doesn't know how to handle herself.  I cried because some of the most important people in my life aren't in my life at the moment and have hurt me beyond belief and I needed to know that I could call them and most of all, I cried because I simply was feeling sorry for myself.



This is where I get to the second part of my title.  I know we all have our own little pity parties.  I actually think it is healthy every once in a while to throw your own little tantrum, however, and as I well know, that party should be a short one.  And the only reason I say this is because when we dwell too much on those things that make us human or those things that we have no control over, we go crazy...literally.

So I can sit and cry about how many things made my life so unfair today, or how how nothing is working out how I had planned (and keep in mind I am writing this to me, but if you get something out of it too great) and how the heavens themselves are working against me to be happy in this life, or I can choose not to think those things.

I tell my kids everyday that it is their choice to be happy or sad, it is by their choices their lives will be fulfilling or not.  We cannot rely upon those around us to lift us up whenever we fall.  The only person who can do that for us, is our Savior.  I could really use a dose of my own medicine sometimes.

So after I threw my little pity-party, I got down on my knees.  I prayed for the strength I need to do what is right with those things that are bringing me down.  I prayed to know how I can get over myself and be a better mom.  And then I listened for awhile.  I was able to feel peace and comfort.  No words, no images, just peace.  And I knew that even though I did not react as my Savior would have, that was okay, because I was able to turn to him in the end and know that tomorrow is a new day and if I choose, it can be a better day.

It is my choice to be better.
No one else can ever take that away from me.



Lots of love,
Niki






4 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing. It is good to know that I am not alone in needing a break-down once in a while (lately several times per month for me).

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    1. It does help to know we are not alone :) Thanks for reading :)

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  2. Pity parties should be short. I love that. :) I'm sorry that you had to have one, but I'm glad you were able to find some peace and comfort. X (virtual hug)

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