Thursday, September 20, 2012

The grieving process

Some may not know this, but the grieving process is not just for when a loved one passes from this life.  The grieving process is:  "...a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away." (taken from Wikipedia's definition of Grief)  

When I found out that I was not going to be able to get pregnant, I went through what seemed like a long grieving process.  I had what I wanted most in life taken from me in one instant, in one word, Infertility   

My grieving went something like this: I got angry, I cried, I prayed, I cried, I got angry, I tried to keep busy, I felt alone, I felt stressed, I felt betrayed, then I got angry again, and prayed some more...and then I cried again.

Now, I will admit, I am a very religious person.  I strongly believe that God is my father and that His Son, Jesus, is my Savior and brother.  I am not sure how I would have dealt with any of this without prayer and the knowledge that even though what we were going through was the hardest thing I had faced in my life, my Heavenly Father and my Savior were going to always be with me.  

My husband and I prayed together. 

We prayed that we might know what we needed to do to have a family of our own.  

In the meantime, we met with our first infertility specialist.  Our regular doctor had done some basic tests and we already knew that having kids on our own would be difficult, but the specialist put it in numbers.  Because of my husband's sperm count, our chances of conceiving on our own, was less than 1%.  I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach...again.  Less than 1%, seemed pretty low.  And it was.  We went from having kids will be difficult to having kids on our own would be almost impossible.

After my initial response (which lasted a few weeks), my husband and I got to work.  We knew we still wanted a family and now we had two options, IVF or Adoption.  Both were the unknown and very scary.  Plus, how were we going to afford either one? We had only been married a year, Flavio was still in school.  I worked for the city and didn't get paid very much.  We had insurance, but Utah does not mandate converge of either of those options, so we were left on our own.  Luckily I had saved money while I was single...but that was all of our savings.  The stress became overwhelming.  Having a baby is expensive on its own, throwing in an extra $14,000 to $20,000 dollars doesn't help any.  But we were determined to see this through.

After many prayers and thought, we decided to go with In Vitro Fertilization or IVF.

We were scared and unsure of what the future held for us...but we had faith that it would work and that we would be able to finally have our first baby.

Have you ever been scared? 
How did you get through it?

1 comment:

  1. For me, hearing other people's stories helps me feel less scared, more strong. So thank you!